“Too many enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought”
Reaching a fair divorce settlement in mediation
When couples separate they often tell me that they want legal advice BEFORE seeing a mediator.
But do they mean legal advice or do they actually mean legal information and what’s the difference anyway?
And, if it is legal information rather than advice, can a mediator provide this instead, on a neutral unbiased basis, helping to prevent mindsets and approaches becoming polarised and divisive as separated couples seek to reach fair outcomes in mediation?
These are the questions I will answer in this article.
Divorce solicitor or mediator?
I completely understand why it may feel comforting to have someone “on your side” from the start, telling you that you entitled to X or should do Z.
But there is a risk to this, a risk that it creates a rigid expectation about likely court outcomes (which may or may not be correct) when a rigid expectation is unlikely to serve you well, IF you want to avoid things getting quickly out of hand.
So, what does a person really mean when they say they want legal advice and can a mediator help with this?
Well, it may come as a surprise to know that a mediator can in fact answer all the following questions?
- Can you help us to achieve a fair outcome?
- What are my legal rights?
- What law applies in my situation?
- What approach is the court likely to take in our circumstances?
- What legal principles is the court likely to apply ?
- What factors will the court take into account in my situation?
In fact, the only question your mediator cannot answer is:
What is the likely outcome if you go to court?
Even if all the financial information is available at your first meeting with your lawyer, which is unlikely, it would take a very brave soul indeed to predict a court outcome with any precision at that stage (or any stage for that matter), which is why lawyers quite often differ in their predictions and advice.
How does a family mediator help you ?
Why not see a mediator (who may also be or have been a solicitor and expert in the law) from the outset to assess whether it might be possible to reach a fair outcome in mediation?
A mediator can answer all the questions I set out above (1-6) about the law and will to do so in a balanced way often preferring to do so when you and your former partner are together in mediation when you can ask questions of the mediator and each other, minimising the risk of ambiguity, misunderstanding, rigid expectations and polarised thinking!
Please rest assured that the mediator will be the first to recommend that you take legal advice, if and when the time is right for each of you.
Resources for the different stages of divorce
That’s the subject of the chapter of my Divorce Manual: Solicitor supported mediation.
In the meantime, you may be surprised what questions your mediator can answer about the law and how helpful they can be if you want to reach a fair outcome and keep your costs to a minimum.
If you would like more information and guidance about what to think about and do when you separate, please read the Divorce Manual chapter: Are you thinking about separating?
If you would like to find out more please ask for a 20 minute free consultation and one of our mediators will be happy to explain all this in more detail.
John E Hind
Founder of Compass Resolution
Watch the video related to this article.
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