“Nothing reinforces a professional relationship more than enjoying success with someone”
How can you make sure that you choose the right mediator, someone who can help you and your former partner reach a successful outcome in mediation?
Where do you look and what are you looking for, from a professional competence and relational perspective?
In this short section and supporting video we will try to answer the questions you need to ask yourselves and the mediator when you speak to them.
Professional status
Are they ACCREDITED by the Family Mediation Council?
The Family Mediation Council (FMC) is the only governing body for family mediators in this country and operates a framework of professional standards and regulations for family mediation.
To become an accredited family mediator (FMCA) the mediator must have passed an initial training course, completed a list of post training requirements and passed the final assessment of competence and all within 3 years of training.
This will ensure that the mediator is experienced, properly qualified and undertakes a continual training programme.
If a family mediator has done all this you will see the letters FMCA after their name, which stands for Family Mediation Council Accredited Family Mediator.
If they have not yet achieved this status but are working towards it, you will simply see FMC.
If the family mediator is not yet accredited they should make it clear whether or not they are registered with the FMC and whether they are committed to ‘working towards Accreditation’.
Please also be aware that there are family mediators out there who are not registered with the FMC and have no intention of working towards accreditation and therefore not subject to any professional standards or regulations.
Enough said about accreditation for the moment. You will still need to feel that they are the right mediator for you and your former partner.
Mediation is a very personal service and you will have to feel that your mediator is sincere and authentic, as well as professional and competent.
Questions to ask yourself
- How do they come across when you first talk to them?
Are they reassuring? Do they give you confidence? Do they seem to understand your concerns or do you feel like you are ‘being processed’ and pushed from pillar to post?
Bear in mind that the mediator should be an expert communicator. They are trained to listen for and respond appropriately to the emotions and concerns they are hearing.
Do they pass this first test?
- At the end of your first call with them are you clear about what to do next and why?
Most mediators will quite properly want to start by meeting you on your own and will offer you a MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment meeting).
Your MIAM will give you another opportunity to decide whether you feel sufficiently confident and reassured by the mediator. It is not all about the mediator!
- Do you trust them? Do feel in capable, competent hands?
Not only do you need to feel you can trust the mediator but also feel a sense of rapport with them since they and the process may ask quite a lot of you so this trust and rapport will be important as you journey through mediation.
- Have they given you a sense of how they work and what they will do in mediation to help and support you?
Please check out the mediator assigned to you, their accreditation and other qualifications. Their bios should be on a website
Many mediators are also solicitors, therapists, accountants and child experts, to name a few.
Make your decision based on your own research, our videos and guides and your own assessment of the mediator during your MIAM.
After all, mediation is a ‘team’ process based on important relationships in which you need to feel able to trust the mediator just as they need to be able to trust you and your good intentions and commitment to mediation.
We refer to this as the ‘relationship contract’ which is based on mutual trust and confidence, at its core.