Why involve a child expert?
If you and the other parent both agree that you want your child(ren) to feel as emotionally secure as possible the challenge is to be able make joint decisions and create a Parent plan that, among other things, meets as many of your children’s most important needs at every neurological level and practical.
Two very important needs include the need for children to understand what is going on regarding events that affect them (the need for clarity) as well as the need to feel heard and understood (the need for validation, among others) which often leads to an increased capacity to cope with their parent’s separation.
This is supported by successive research outcomes over more than 30 years and backed by Article 12 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child (respect for the views of a child).
You will find a summary of the UN Convention in the resources section to this chapter.
An important question for you and the other parent to ask yourselves is:
Is it going to be possible to create a Parenting plan ‘fit for purpose’ without giving your children the opportunity to express their views and feelings to an independent child expert in a way that your child feels secure and confident enough to be able to express their views and feelings, without feeling pressure from either of you or the situation?
If not, the process of creating a Parenting plan and child arrangements must include ensuring that your child(ren) is given an opportunity, in a safe and secure environment, to express their views, wants, needs and feelings without feeling any pressure to do so from either parent or any other person or source (caught in the middle) so that their views and feelings can be relied upon as truly representing their views and taken account of.
The starting point is for you, as parents, to feel and be able to help and support each other as parents, and your children to identify, clarify and prioritise these needs so that the Parenting plan can be built around them and designed to meet as many of these as possible. The mediator will help you to work together in this way to achieve this.
This process of identifying and clarifying your children’s needs might well require your children being given the opportunity of speaking to an independent child expert, someone with whom they feel secure to express their thoughts and feelings.
Therefore, the process of designing a Parenting plan and child arrangements ‘fit for purpose’ may well require both a ‘child centred’ and ‘child inclusive’ approach.
See resources section for research/reports
The recommendations from the Voice of the Child Report which you can find in our resources section, argued that the opportunity for children and young people to be heard should be in place across the entire private law sector in pre-court services and not just for mediation
Over the last few years, the family mediation process has shifted from a ‘child focused/centred’ approach – that is the mediator assists parents to remain focussed on the needs of their children in resolving issues about their future parenting, to more of a ‘child inclusive’ approach – that is the mediator facilitates the inclusion of a child’s wishes and feelings in the mediation process, helping and supporting parents to resolve issues about new arrangements for the whole family post separation
Read more about this distinction in section 1 between child inclusive and child centred practice and processes
The decision about whether and if a child or children might be heard moves from the professionals making an assessment with parents, on a case by case basis, to a non-legal presumption that all children and young people (10 and over) should be offered an opportunity to be heard and to contribute