“Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same things”
You have now been invited to a MIAM (mediation information and assessment meeting) and want to know more.
In this section and supporting video we briefly explain what a MIAM is as well as introduce you to a range of other sections in this book and videos to help you make the right decision about whether to mediate, or not.
We cover the MIAM in much more detail in the next chapter.
As we explain what happens during the MIAM it is worth bearing in mind that mediators do vary in how they conduct these meetings. In this section we will cover the main aspects with you.
Since this is such an important meeting for you it would also be worth reading the Family Mediation Council’s recent guidance (August 2022) for the conduct and standards of these meetings.
Our aim and hope is that you and your former partner each decide to attend a MIAM and both go on to make maximum use of opportunity mediation offers to resolve things together, for yourselves (and your children) and avoid court.
The mediator will do their best to help and support you both.
Your MIAM is likely to take in the region of 45 mins-1 hour and cost between £80-£150 plus vat, mainly depending on the mediator you choose and geographical area in which they work unless you qualify for legal aid, in which case this meeting will be free. More about this in another section of this chapter.
Prior to the meeting, please complete and email your mediator two documents which you will find on this webpage in the documents section. These will help the mediator prepare for the meeting. (This said, the mediator you instruct may have their own forms to send you so please check)
They are;
- A two-sided client information form and,
- A two-sided pre-mediation questionnaire
By the end of your MIAM you should:
- Fully understand how the mediation process and mediator works, what will be expected of you and what to expect from the Mediator and process before agreeing a preparation task list, timeframe and plan for your first joint mediation session.
- Have a good sense of whether mediation is the right process for you both (is it suitable for you and your circumstances)?
- Have an accurate estimate for how much mediation is likely to cost, whether you are eligible for legal aid, and how long it is likely to take which will be confirmed in the mediation terms of business email/letter?
The mediator usually starts the MIAM by confirming that it is confidential in all but exceptional circumstances before moving on to complete the legal aid forms with you, if you think that you might qualify for legal aid.
The mediator usually gets the legal aid form out of the way first so that you know whether mediation will be free or not and then quickly moves on to explore your circumstances and explain how mediation works as the mediator completes their meeting assessment record.
The mediator concentrates on you, your circumstances, your best hopes for mediation and any concerns you may have because, as you will discover as you read more of this Manual, the only guarantee of a successful mediated outcome is if the process feels fair and balanced enough and the outcome reached achieves enough of the things of most importance to you and your former partner, whether these relate to child arrangements or your future financial arrangements or any other things you may wish to discuss in mediation.
These things of importance (‘Values’ and ‘Core values’) are often expressed as ‘concerns’ (you are concerned about these things because they are important to you) as well as ‘hopes’ for the future. We cover this in more detail in the chapter and video series-preparing to communicate in mediation.
The main focus during your MIAM is to ensure that you and the mediator gather enough information from each other to be able to assess whether mediation is the right process for you in your situation before moving on to the post-MIAM stage which focuses on preparing everyone for mediation itself which is covered in other chapters of this Manual.
In some circumstances, mediators carry out the MIAM online using Zoom, Microsoft Teams, Google Meets or WhatsApp for example or, in exceptional circumstances, by telephone where online facilities are not available.
Having read the chapter on MIAMs, if you would like more information about your MIAM please contact us/your mediator.
You may also want to read the following 8 sections and watch some or all of the 8 short videos which accompany these sections:
- Common objections to mediation– We share the things, rational or otherwise, which can put off the less determined clients from deciding on mediation. It is as well to be aware of these so that you do not fall into these traps.
- Managing strong emotions– We provide some tips and techniques for managing your strong emotions which have the tendency to ‘distort’ rational thought.
- How to think about mediation?– In this section and video we suggest some positive and constructive ways of thinking about mediation. This is an important topic which we also cover in more depth in our communication chapter.
- Am I eligible for legal aid for mediation?- Hopefully this title is self-explanatory
- What do mediators do?– What mediators do is often difficult to describe without experiencing it but we do our best to explain it.
- What is mediation?– In this section and video we begin with a ‘vision’, a vision you need to find for yourself.
- How to choose your mediator?– Is it the finances or child arrangements you want to sort out? Remember, you can choose your mediator. Some are specialists in particular areas of work.
- Mediation costs– Most people want to know how much it is all going to cost and how long it will take so please read this section and watch the video to find out.
As you move through the mediation process, we hope that you find this chapter, our website, videos, documents and website links helpful.